"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your fee…

- Sam Ewing

If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.

- Sam Ewing

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

- Sam Ewing

The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.

- Sam Ewing

Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.

- Sam Ewing

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

- Sam Ewing

A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

- Sam Ewing

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.

- Sam Ewing

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

- Sam Ewing