There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

- Andy Kindler

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

- Andy Kindler

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to i…

- Andy Kindler

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

- Andy Kindler

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

- Andy Kindler

I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Ye…

- Andy Kindler

Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.

- Andy Kindler

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

- Andy Kindler

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

- Andy Kindler