Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

- H. Allen Smith

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

- H. Allen Smith

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

- H. Allen Smith

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

- H. Allen Smith

Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

- H. Allen Smith

Hate-on-the-highway is an institution occupying a high place in our modern civilization....The godawful glares that drivers exchange as they pass eac…

- H. Allen Smith

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

- H. Allen Smith

Put it back in the horse!

- H. Allen Smith

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

- H. Allen Smith