If you do not know how to lie, cheat, and steal, turn your attention to politics and learn.

- Josh Billings

As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.

- Josh Billings

Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.

- Josh Billings

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

- Josh Billings

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.

- Josh Billings

One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.

- Josh Billings

Ignorance ain't not knowin' stuff; ignorance is knowin' stuff that AIN'T TRUE.

- Josh Billings

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

- Josh Billings

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.

- Josh Billings