You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun. - Andy Borowitz
Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
- Andy Borowitz
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. - Andy Borowitz
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out. - Andy Borowitz
NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born. - Andy Borowitz
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel. - Andy Borowitz
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked. - Andy Borowitz
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions. - Andy Borowitz
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public. - Andy Borowitz
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role. - Andy Borowitz
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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