Comedians can articulate some important and profound ideas that address a lot of the hypocrisy we're inundated with (in the media).

- Ted Alexandro

I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

- Ted Alexandro

Sometimes it's fun to explore ideas that might make people uncomfortable. If you let it, there's a lot of self-censoring that can go on in the name o…

- Ted Alexandro

I'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you don't drink the water. You go t…

- Ted Alexandro

Some people say homosexuality is a sin. It’s not. God is perfectly cool with it, God feels the exact same way about homosexuality that God feels abou…

- Ted Alexandro

You'll get them tomorrow. You gave it a good shot. Keep your chin up.

- Ted Alexandro

Comics definitely embody the importance of practicing free speech.

- Ted Alexandro

A crowd is the only way to know if something works. Telling a friend or two doesn't matter. A crowd is what tells you what works or doesn't, so I'd r…

- Ted Alexandro

I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now 'cause it's so depressing. One guy told me …

- Ted Alexandro