What feeling feels like over time. An attempt to screw up what feeling feels like over time. Heartbreak and a high C.... The often welcome melodic lie.... The soul's undersong. The orchestration of randomness, a flirtation with the boundaries of silence and space.... a reminder that the self wants to disappear, be taken away from itself and returned.
Connubial Because with alarming accuracy she’d been identifying patterns I was unaware of—this tic, that tendency, like the way I've mastered the language of intimacy in order to conceal how I felt— I knew I was in danger of being terribly understood.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote reflects the fear of being truly understood in an intimate relationship.
In this quote, Stephen Dunn expresses a profound concern about the vulnerability that comes with being deeply understood by a partner. He illustrates how his partner has recognized his hidden patterns and tendencies, which makes him feel exposed. This connection highlights the complexities and nuances of intimacy, revealing the tension between the desire for closeness and the fear of being completely seen, flaws and all. It suggests that while intimacy can bring comfort and understanding, it can also lead to discomfort when one is faced with the reality of being 'terribly understood'.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
In a relationship advice workshop, one might reference this quote to discuss the challenges of emotional vulnerability.
More from Stephen Dunn
All quotes →I make myself up from everything I am, or could be. For many years I was more desire than fact. When I stop becoming, that’s when I worry.
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