Connubial Because with alarming accuracy she’d been identifying patterns I was unaware of—this tic, that tendency, like the way I've mastered the language of intimacy in order to conceal how I felt— I knew I was in danger of being terribly understood.
Interpretation
The quote reflects the fear of being truly understood in an intimate relationship.
In this quote, Stephen Dunn expresses a profound concern about the vulnerability that comes with being deeply understood by a partner. He illustrates how his partner has recognized his hidden patterns and tendencies, which makes him feel exposed. This connection highlights the complexities and nuances of intimacy, revealing the tension between the desire for closeness and the fear of being completely seen, flaws and all. It suggests that while intimacy can bring comfort and understanding, it can also lead to discomfort when one is faced with the reality of being 'terribly understood'.
In practice
In a relationship advice workshop, one might reference this quote to discuss the challenges of emotional vulnerability.
What feeling feels like over time. An attempt to screw up what feeling feels like over time. Heartbreak and a high C.... The often welcome melodic lie.... The soul's undersong. The orchestration of randomness, a flirtation with the boundaries of silence and space.... a reminder that the self wants to disappear, be taken away from itself and returned.
I make myself up from everything I am, or could be. For many years I was more desire than fact. When I stop becoming, that’s when I worry.
From the moment of birth, when the Stone-Age baby confronts the twentieth-century mother, the baby is subjected to these forces of violence called love, as its father and mother and their parents and their parents before them, have been. These forces are mainly concerned with destroying most of its potential.
That good disposition which boasts of being most tender is often stifled by the least urging of self-interest.
Maybe you are homophobic a little bit, but then you see me, and you've always loved me, and you love the way I play, and your kids love me. And then you're like, 'Oh, that's OK. It's fine.' Once it gets a little bit more personal, it helps break down those barriers.
Like most people I knew, I thought drug addicts were the kinds of people we see in doorways in neighbourhoods most of us try to avoid - people obviously strung out, often homeless and possibly psychotic. I didn't think my son could become addicted, but he had.
They encouraged you to put some of your weight in their hands and soon as you felt how light and lovely it was, they studied your scars and tribulations.
I don't want to have a relationship with someone if I'm not going to work with them.
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