Connubial Because with alarming accuracy she’d been identifying patterns I was unaware of—this tic, that tendency, like the way I've mastered the language of intimacy in order to conceal how I felt— I knew I was in danger of being terribly understood.
Interpretation
The quote reflects the fear of being truly understood in an intimate relationship.
In this quote, Stephen Dunn expresses a profound concern about the vulnerability that comes with being deeply understood by a partner. He illustrates how his partner has recognized his hidden patterns and tendencies, which makes him feel exposed. This connection highlights the complexities and nuances of intimacy, revealing the tension between the desire for closeness and the fear of being completely seen, flaws and all. It suggests that while intimacy can bring comfort and understanding, it can also lead to discomfort when one is faced with the reality of being 'terribly understood'.
In practice
In a relationship advice workshop, one might reference this quote to discuss the challenges of emotional vulnerability.
What feeling feels like over time. An attempt to screw up what feeling feels like over time. Heartbreak and a high C.... The often welcome melodic lie.... The soul's undersong. The orchestration of randomness, a flirtation with the boundaries of silence and space.... a reminder that the self wants to disappear, be taken away from itself and returned.
I make myself up from everything I am, or could be. For many years I was more desire than fact. When I stop becoming, that’s when I worry.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
It is a happy thing that time quells the longings of vengeance and hushes the promptings of rage and aversion. I had left this woman in bitterness and hate, and I came back to her now with no other emotion than a sort of ruth for her great sufferings, and strong yearning to forget and forgive all injuries - to be reconciled and clasp hands in amity.
His foreparents came to America in immigrant ships. My foreparents came to America in slave ships. But whatever the original ships, we are both in the same boat tonight.
If after having been exposed to someone's presence you feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma, avoid that presence. You need it like you need pernicious anemia.
He wanted to put his arms around her, but she had a darkness that seemed to stand beside her like an acquaintance that would not go away.
Like most people I knew, I thought drug addicts were the kinds of people we see in doorways in neighbourhoods most of us try to avoid - people obviously strung out, often homeless and possibly psychotic. I didn't think my son could become addicted, but he had.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.