You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words ... have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going ... [mimes obeying all commands] "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!"
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. - Eddie Izzard
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
- Eddie Izzard
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun). - Eddie Izzard
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class? - Eddie Izzard
Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I sup… - Eddie Izzard
So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I sup…
Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke … - Eddie Izzard
Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke …
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney? - Eddie Izzard
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?
I wear whatever I want whenever I want. I don't call it drag; I don't even call it cross-dressing. It's just wearing a dress. - Eddie Izzard
I wear whatever I want whenever I want. I don't call it drag; I don't even call it cross-dressing. It's just wearing a dress.
If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world. - Eddie Izzard
If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world.
They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them. - Eddie Izzard
They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.
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