You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend.

- Marty Feldman

Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ingredient between two people that …

- Marty Feldman

Could be worse... Could be raining

- Marty Feldman

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

- Marty Feldman

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

- Marty Feldman

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

- Marty Feldman

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

- Marty Feldman

He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta.

- Marty Feldman

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

- Marty Feldman