You could either ignore this advice, or take it from me: Be too nice, and people take you for a dummy.

- Daniel Dumile

Soup's on and I got a coupon. Chinese restaurant asking for the Grey Poupon. He said "No, duck sauce, soy sauce... And this ain't no Burger King, …

- Daniel Dumile

Classical slap-stick rappers need Chapstick.

- Daniel Dumile

Scared of a bunch of water? Then get out the rain. Order a rapper for lunch, and spit out the chain.

- Daniel Dumile

Only in America could you find a way to make a healthy buck, And still keep your attitude on self-destruct.

- Daniel Dumile

Listenin to nothin, takin no suggestions, All destructive criticisms that can't improve on perfection.

- Daniel Dumile

Raise your right palm: We do solemnly swear To stack more dough more calmly this year.

- Daniel Dumile

Uh oh, it's beer o'clock, I think I'm sober. How about we think this over, over a can of King Cobra?

- Daniel Dumile

There's four sides to every story... If these walls could talk, they'd probably still ignore me.

- Daniel Dumile