Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it was the sausage-maker who disposed of the body.

- Mark Forsyth

A poet is not somebody who has great thoughts. That is the menial duty of the philosopher. A poet is somebody who expresses his thoughts, however com…

- Mark Forsyth

The problem with the alphabet is that it bears no relation to anything at all, and when words are arranged alphabetically they are uselessly separate…

- Mark Forsyth

So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all t…

- Mark Forsyth

Freud said that everything was secretly sexual. But etymologists know that sex is secretly food.

- Mark Forsyth

Anyone who has ever taken out a mortgage will be unsurprised to learn that it is, literally, a /death pledge/.

- Mark Forsyth

But Shakespeare never drank coffee. Nor did Julius Caesar, or Socrates. Alexander the Great conquered half the world without even a café latte to per…

- Mark Forsyth

Poetry is much more important than the truth, and, if you don't believe that, try using the two methods to get laid.

- Mark Forsyth

Reality changes words far more than words can ever change reality.

- Mark Forsyth