You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

- Tim Allen

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

- Tim Allen

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

- Tim Allen

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

- Tim Allen

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

- Tim Allen

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

- Tim Allen

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the…

- Tim Allen

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

- Tim Allen

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun…

- Tim Allen