There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode.

- Tom Leykis

There's some benefit to being happy in your life. Of looking around and saying, 'This is mine.

- Tom Leykis

Are men shallow? Should we be looking for inner beauty? Ha, ha.

- Tom Leykis

There's a difference... between the kind of woman you would bang and the kind of woman you would marry.

- Tom Leykis

I don't just preach; I put my money where my mouth is!

- Tom Leykis

I'm looking forward to providing the men of Seattle with an evening where they can kick back, light up a cigar and enjoy a night to themselves. Women…

- Tom Leykis

I wanted to see if you could put a prototype radio station on the Internet so you wouldnt have to invest $50 million or $100 million or $150 million …

- Tom Leykis

When I saw houses in Palmdale going for $500K, I knew something was wrong. If you got foreclosed, I don't feel sorry for you!

- Tom Leykis