When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
Life's a short trip. You'll find out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Life's a short trip. You'll find out.
- Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one. - Rodney Dangerfield
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower. - Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.
I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. - Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth. - Rodney Dangerfield
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
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