I saw a dog in a cage. And that cage had a sign on it that said, 'I bite.' And I was like, 'That is good to know doggy, but that's not the most important thing about you. You should make a sign that says, 'I make signs.''
The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing. - Doug Benson
The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
- Doug Benson
A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway. - Doug Benson
A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.
That dude Stephen Falk that created You're The Worst, he used to work on the show Weeds, and we sort of came across each other then because he's a fa… - Doug Benson
That dude Stephen Falk that created You're The Worst, he used to work on the show Weeds, and we sort of came across each other then because he's a fa…
I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at … - Doug Benson
I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at …
I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I like Dawn of the dead b… - Doug Benson
I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I like Dawn of the dead b…
Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. On the other hand, … - Doug Benson
Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. On the other hand, …
Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's m… - Doug Benson
Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's m…
I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man. - Doug Benson
I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.
People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops … - Doug Benson
People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops …
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