The pyjamas have cats on them. I am informed that these cats belong to an organisation called Hello Kitty.

- Martin Millar

Don't worry, fairy vomit is no doubt sweet-smelling to humans.

- Martin Millar

I go through the text making sure I haven't used any big words. If I find any fancy adjectives have crept in, I replace them with small words like 'n…

- Martin Millar

Two fairies were sleeping peacefully on his bed. Dinnie was immediately depressed. He knew that he did not have enough money to see a therapist.

- Martin Millar

I sit and feel lonely. Sitting and feeling lonely is something I am a spectacular success at. I can do it for hours. Everyone is good at something.

- Martin Millar