Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.

- James Agate

Perhaps, after all, there is something in the theory that only the ultra-busy can find time for everything.

- James Agate

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

- James Agate

To force myself to earn more money, I determined to spend more.

- James Agate

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

- James Agate

Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

- James Agate

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

- James Agate

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

- James Agate

All I want is a modest place in Mr X's Good Reading, Miss Y's Good Writing, and that new edition of One Thousand Best Bits of Recent Prose.

- James Agate