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Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

Artie Lange
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Artie Lange's Popular Quotes

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.

- Artie Lange

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

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Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

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I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

- Artie Lange

My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - …

- Artie Lange
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