When I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, there was a bunch of guys selling fresh oysters and I'd eat ten daily - marvellous.
At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night, we were sitting backstage when Morrissey burst in, utterly distraugh… - Paul Merton
At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night, we were sitting backstage when Morrissey burst in, utterly distraugh…
- Paul Merton
Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way. - Paul Merton
Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is… - Paul Merton
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is…
It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does make sense, because in a way, when you're young and shy, making pe… - Paul Merton
It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does make sense, because in a way, when you're young and shy, making pe…
My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're… - Paul Merton
My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're…
If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't do… - Paul Merton
If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't do…
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here? - Paul Merton
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years. - Paul Merton
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear. - Paul Merton
The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.
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