Stores are never nice to people. They're nice to credit cards.

- J. F. Lawton

Anything short of cannibalism is just beating around the bush.

- J. F. Lawton

Time does not die; only people.

- J. F. Lawton

The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?

- J. F. Lawton

People's reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love …

- J. F. Lawton

We don't care if these girls want to eat their men. That's the Piranha Man's problem. We just want the avocados.

- J. F. Lawton

You're comin' with me, you gotta be invisible. You walk by a hatch and you see the enemy, you become the hatch.

- J. F. Lawton

It's easy to clean up when you got money.

- J. F. Lawton

I have a lot of fantasies about being tied up and spanked. I suppose it isn't very liberated, is it? What kind of fantasies do feminists have?

- J. F. Lawton