If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, dont laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as g…

- Gilbert Gottfried

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

- Gilbert Gottfried

Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.

- Gilbert Gottfried

I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.

- Gilbert Gottfried

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I…

- Gilbert Gottfried

I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.

- Gilbert Gottfried

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

- Gilbert Gottfried

I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a…

- Gilbert Gottfried

At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those …

- Gilbert Gottfried