If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.

- Norm Crosby

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

- Norm Crosby

I met Elvis first in Las Vegas. I think I was appearing with Tom Jones and he came backstage to say hello to Tom or we went to his dressing room to s…

- Norm Crosby

I was the first spokesperson for the Better Hearing Institute in Washington. And that's the message we tried to send out - there is hearing help out …

- Norm Crosby

Teenagers don't know what love is. They have mixed-up ideas. They go for a drive and the boy runs out of gas and they smooch a little and the girl sa…

- Norm Crosby

Why do Canadians like to do it doggie style? So they can both keep watching the hockey game

- Norm Crosby

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

- Norm Crosby

All's fair if you have a really good attorney.

- Norm Crosby