Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

- Kevin Nealon

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak flu…

- Kevin Nealon

The good thing about 'Weeds' now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.

- Kevin Nealon

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

- Kevin Nealon

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

- Kevin Nealon

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

- Kevin Nealon

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

- Kevin Nealon

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

- Kevin Nealon

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

- Kevin Nealon