Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.

- Simon Munnery

All men are brothers. Hence war.

- Simon Munnery

Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.

- Simon Munnery

What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what?

- Simon Munnery

The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.

- Simon Munnery

Like bees around honey. Why are bees so attracted to honey, since they make it? It can only be vanity.

- Simon Munnery

I wear glasses myself. As an affectation, as a badge of high intellect and to see with.

- Simon Munnery

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

- Simon Munnery

I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American... There's never an A…

- Simon Munnery