I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me with -10. What does that mean? I don't even have no money any more. I wish I had nothing. But I don't have it. I don't have that much. I have not ten. Negative ten. I can't afford to buy something that doesn't cost anything. I can only afford to get something that costs you give me ten dollars.
Everything is amazing and nobody is happy - Louis C. K.
Everything is amazing and nobody is happy
- Louis C. K.
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December. - Louis C. K.
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. - Louis C. K.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. - Louis C. K.
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.
What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you - Louis C. K.
What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you
When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president. - Louis C. K.
When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most import… - Louis C. K.
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most import…
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. - Louis C. K.
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.
Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’ - Louis C. K.
Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’
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