The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

- Doug Benson

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

- Doug Benson

I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at …

- Doug Benson

I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I like Dawn of the dead b…

- Doug Benson

That dude Stephen Falk that created You're The Worst, he used to work on the show Weeds, and we sort of came across each other then because he's a fa…

- Doug Benson

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it. On the other hand, …

- Doug Benson

Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's m…

- Doug Benson

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

- Doug Benson

People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops …

- Doug Benson