A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

- Irvin S. Cobb

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

- Irvin S. Cobb

You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.

- Irvin S. Cobb

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

- Irvin S. Cobb

Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!

- Irvin S. Cobb

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

- Irvin S. Cobb

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

- Irvin S. Cobb

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

- Irvin S. Cobb

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

- Irvin S. Cobb