There's no such thing as being too Southern.

- Lewis Grizzard

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shif…

- Lewis Grizzard

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

- Lewis Grizzard

In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothe…

- Lewis Grizzard

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

- Lewis Grizzard

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

- Lewis Grizzard

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

- Lewis Grizzard

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and…

- Lewis Grizzard

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

- Lewis Grizzard