Girls say they like a sensitive man, but then they complain about my premature ejaculation.

- Tom Sims

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

- Tom Sims

I heard that women are attracted to bad boys, so every once in a while, I throw a recyclable into the regular garbage.

- Tom Sims

I've practiced meditation most of my life. It's better than lying around doing nothing.

- Tom Sims