God created seaweed… The seaweed made the world.

- John B. Keane

I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo. They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And th…

- John B. Keane

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else.

- John B. Keane

How would you know a Cork footballer? He's the one who thinks that oral sex is just talking about it.

- John B. Keane

When my friends were besotted with Jason Donovan, my heroes were Colm O'Rourke and Barney Rock

- John B. Keane