I've never had any complaints yet!

- George S. Kaufman

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

- George S. Kaufman

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

- George S. Kaufman

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

- George S. Kaufman

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

- George S. Kaufman

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

- George S. Kaufman

Satire is what closes on Saturday night.

- George S. Kaufman

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

- George S. Kaufman

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, w…

- George S. Kaufman