Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

- Dennis Miller

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

- Dennis Miller

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

- Dennis Miller

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

- Dennis Miller

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

- Dennis Miller

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

- Dennis Miller

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

- Dennis Miller

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

- Dennis Miller

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

- Dennis Miller