I feel vulnerable every day to the grace of God as expressed in every living thing. I feel vulnerable to the astonishing beauty of being alive and to Mother Nature. I feel positive when I feel vulnerable, because it's another reminder that it's not all about me and about my ego. And I actually think it's courageous to be vulnerable, and it's not something to be avoided.

Grateful that it brought me to a point of really seeing myself and really seeing where I was imbalanced, and really seeing it was a message from the Divine that changed my life.

I remind myself that I don't have the ability to completely manipulate reality to be exactly what I want it to be. So now that reality is antithetical to what I want, how I can feel into it and act skillfully rather than react? How can I choose my best course of action while not pretending I don't have the pain, or running away from the pain, or blaming someone else for the circumstances of my life?

My first epiphany that this might work came on my first day, when I went into biofeedback. They hooked me up to computers through electrodes, put me in a comfortable lounge chair, put an eye pillow over my face, slipped speakers onto my head and played an audio guided visualization.

This very deep, soothing voice came on, saying: "You now have permission to be strong and healthy and calm and relaxed. There's no place else to go. There's nothing else to do." I could feel it in every cell of my body, and I immediately realized, there's something here. I could feel my heart rate slow down. I could feel stress melting out of my body.

Definitely an intelligence in the light of the heart. In yoga, we refer to this as the heart center - right behind the breastbone, and visualize it as a golden candle flame of light and spirit.