If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

- Eddie Izzard

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

- Eddie Izzard

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?

- Eddie Izzard

So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I sup…

- Eddie Izzard

Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?

- Eddie Izzard

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke …

- Eddie Izzard

I wear whatever I want whenever I want. I don't call it drag; I don't even call it cross-dressing. It's just wearing a dress.

- Eddie Izzard

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

- Eddie Izzard

If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world.

- Eddie Izzard