A guy's got to get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

- Lois Greiman

False hope is better than no hope at all.

- Lois Greiman

Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.

- Lois Greiman

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

- Lois Greiman

What if there's no such thing as PMS and this is just my personality?

- Lois Greiman

Tact is for people with too much damned time on their hands.

- Lois Greiman

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

- Lois Greiman

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

- Lois Greiman

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

- Lois Greiman