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- Dave Barry

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

- Dave Barry

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as som…

- Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're th…

- Dave Barry

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

- Dave Barry

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

- Dave Barry

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

- Dave Barry

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

- Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering …

- Dave Barry