A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being. And it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

- Arj Barker

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.

- Arj Barker

I know that most domesticated animals aren't indigenous to this country. So guess what, cat? You can beat it. Go back to Catalina Island or Catalonia…

- Arj Barker

I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even…

- Arj Barker

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

- Arj Barker

Just open your heart man and accept that people are gay. Thousands, probably millions of people are gay. And until we find a cure - we will practice …

- Arj Barker

It's gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I'm like, "Alright, but where'…

- Arj Barker

I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going to sleep. Maybe you've …

- Arj Barker

I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like the fact that smo…

- Arj Barker