Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff…

- A. P. Herbert

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

- A. P. Herbert

The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.

- A. P. Herbert

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

- A. P. Herbert

The rain is plentious but, by God's decree, Only a third is meant for you and me; Two-thirds are taken by the growing things Or vanish Heavenward …

- A. P. Herbert

aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; b…

- A. P. Herbert

Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.

- A. P. Herbert

A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

- A. P. Herbert

Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of the downs, hacking…

- A. P. Herbert