I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all. - Amy Schumer
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
- Amy Schumer
I just want to get the most money I can. - Amy Schumer
I just want to get the most money I can.
I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three y… - Amy Schumer
I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three y…
You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque. - Amy Schumer
You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize. - Amy Schumer
I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?' - Amy Schumer
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly abou… - Amy Schumer
Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly abou…
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty. - Amy Schumer
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wo… - Amy Schumer
I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wo…
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