My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly c…

- Dom Irrera

You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I ha…

- Dom Irrera

You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?

- Dom Irrera

My father never cheated on my mother. He used to cheat on me. He used to pick other kids after school. Take them to the zoo. Take them to play ball. …

- Dom Irrera

I think boxing is an incredible sport and I would like to see it really become regulated because I think it could bring back a lot of the past.

- Dom Irrera

Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be …

- Dom Irrera

I want to be a bloated alcoholic. That's my goal - it is, I'm serious, because there is no other disease that is more fun than alcoholism. I know it …

- Dom Irrera

Nobody needs a cookie. You will never get your lab results back, Well, apparently, Miss Bexim what you need - and I am a doctor, I've never seen this…

- Dom Irrera

I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, Red wine, in conjunction…

- Dom Irrera