It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

- Moms Mabley

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

- Moms Mabley

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

- Moms Mabley

Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.

- Moms Mabley

Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.

- Moms Mabley

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

- Moms Mabley

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

- Moms Mabley

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

- Moms Mabley

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

- Moms Mabley