I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm no…

- Iliza Shlesinger

Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.

- Iliza Shlesinger

I wasn't a 'hot chick' in high school. I was 'funny' and a tomboy and probably a little uncomfortable with my amazing boobs.

- Iliza Shlesinger

You can't go to the bathroom alone... you might not come back. Cause no girl's ever been to the bathroom alone and survived. It's true. The last woma…

- Iliza Shlesinger

Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic.…

- Iliza Shlesinger

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.

- Iliza Shlesinger

Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.

- Iliza Shlesinger

As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.

- Iliza Shlesinger

When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference…

- Iliza Shlesinger