I like to get to work early. Before my brain knows what I'm up to.

- Bob Thaves

I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it.

- Bob Thaves

People used to live lives of quiet desperation - now they go on talk shows!

- Bob Thaves

I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it.

- Bob Thaves

When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have nothing... and in between there's the IRS.

- Bob Thaves

The Senate being tied is a start. Now, if only it could be gagged.

- Bob Thaves

It's not that Good doesn't triumph over Evil, it's that the point spread is too small.

- Bob Thaves

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest.

- Bob Thaves

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

- Bob Thaves