I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing. - Chelsea Handler
I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
- Chelsea Handler
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being… - Chelsea Handler
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being…
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway. - Chelsea Handler
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. - Chelsea Handler
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. - Chelsea Handler
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun … - Chelsea Handler
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun …
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. - Chelsea Handler
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. - Chelsea Handler
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue. - Chelsea Handler
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.
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