Two bats were hanging up in a cave and one said to the other, 'When I'm older, I hope I don't become incontinent'.

- Mick Miller

A winkle is just a bogey with a crash helmet on.

- Mick Miller

I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.

- Mick Miller

I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.

- Mick Miller