If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.

- Pete Holmes

Be persistent and just keep going to open mics no matter what, even if just to watch and not perform. You'll find that even at your worst keep your h…

- Pete Holmes

I'm trying to manufacture a sleepover feel; like a tree house or a clubhouse. I want people to be silly and play and feel safe and some people, you h…

- Pete Holmes

I have never been political, which for a straight white man that's kind of a byproduct of privilege growing up that I was kind of like, "Who cares wh…

- Pete Holmes

One of my obsessions in life is that we have the tools to manufacture moments and real things, but it's overwhelming and there's a lot of fear and yo…

- Pete Holmes

I'm trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like…

- Pete Holmes