I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

My specialty is detached malevolence.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth