About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to…

- Clement Freud

Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there to be poured over the other. This is…

- Clement Freud

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

- Clement Freud

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

- Clement Freud

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

- Clement Freud

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

- Clement Freud

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

- Clement Freud

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

- Clement Freud

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

- Clement Freud