If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
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