A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

- Earl Wilson

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

- Earl Wilson

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.

- Earl Wilson

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

- Earl Wilson

Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.

- Earl Wilson

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

- Earl Wilson

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

- Earl Wilson

Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.

- Earl Wilson

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

- Earl Wilson