Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

- Woody Allen

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

- Woody Allen

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

- Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

- Woody Allen

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

- Woody Allen

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

- Woody Allen

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

- Woody Allen

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

- Woody Allen

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

- Woody Allen